Creating affirming spaces for trans and gender diverse persons (Reading)

• Never assume someone’s gender based on the ways they dress or express themselves. Unless you know for certain, it is better to use gender-neutral language.
• Use the language trans persons prefer. If they wish to keep their gender identity a secret, do not discuss it with other people.
• Use trans persons’ preferred pronouns or gendered language, and try your best to encourage others to use them too, even if the person isn’t present. If you aren’t sure about their preferences, just ask. If you accidentally use an incorrect pronoun, apologise, then move forward.
• Respect the name that the person prefers to be addressed by, even if it’s different from the name in their legal documents. Ensure that their preferred name is the one used wherever possibleIf you happen to know a transgender person’s birth name (the name given to them when they were born, but which they no longer use), don’t share it without that person’s explicit permission.
• Don’t ask about a transgender person’s genitals, surgical status, or sex life – it would be inappropriate to ask a non-transgender, or cisgender person about the appearance or status of their genitals. If a trans person wants to talk to you about such matters, they will bring it up.
• Know your own limits – don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t know something. It is better than to make assumptions or say something that may be incorrect or hurtful. Seek out the appropriate resources that will help you learn more.

Handout: a short list of affirming sentences

• “Thank you!” – let them know that you’re grateful for getting to know them on a different, deeper level and that they trust you.
• “If/when you’re ready, let’s talk more.” – maybe they aren’t quite ready to go into details. Make sure that they know you’re open to hearing more about their journey.
• “What can I do to help?” – helping can come in many forms, for example: listening, remaining non-judgmental or aiding them in reaching out to others with the news.
• “I support you.” – express your desire/ability to encourage them to be themselves.
• “What can I do to improve?” – understand that you may have said or done things that could have confused them or made them question their identity, even if you didn’t mean to.