Foundational concepts – a further exploration (Reading)

Before going into more detail about identity development and other relevant knowledge, it is needed to strengthen and deepen the understanding of the foundational concepts.

We have  previously discussed the concepts of:

• sex,
• gender identity,
• gender expression,
• romantic and sexual orientation.

We have also outlined the relationship between them:

• they mutually form our experiences in our everyday lives,
• but they are not in a causal or correlational relationship (in short: they are interrelated, but separate).

In the educational material ‘Genderbread person’, the word ‘identity’ is connected to gender, but in reality, identity is much more complicated: sexual orientation can also be experienced as an identity.

A person can identify as:

• homosexual,
• lesbian,
• gay,
• asexual,
• with any other labels that describe sexuality and gender.

Identity is one of the measures when it comes to estimating the size of LGBTQI+ populations, or when conducting research.

Besides identity there are two other factors regarding sexual orientation:

• attraction,
• behavior.

Social science research mostly uses identity labels.

The problem is that identity labels do not really capture the whole scale of

• feelings,
• attractions (who we are interested in),
• sexual/romantic behaviours (what we actually do sexually/romantically),
• fantasies and thoughts.

Thus identity labels are not a “stand-in” for behaviour and attraction. For example:

Two lesbians might share the same identity, but can have very different histories of sexual behaviour with and attraction to same-sex persons, or one of them migh even have some experience with opposite-sex persons. This is important information also for clients who identify as heterosexual: they might have desires and experiences that are not in line with the heterosexist norms, but they still identify as heterosexual. Thus it is crucial to stay open-minded and curious as a therapist, instead of using labels as boxes or in a definitive way.

Although a lot of people (for example older persons, see more in Module 3) unfortunately refrain from identifying with an LGBTQI+ identity for fear of the consequences, we must say that identity can not and need not be forced upon the client. One can have a happy and healthy life even if their chosen identity label might not capture the full scale of their experiences.

Another important thing is fluidity. Sexuality and gender can change throughout our lives – even the lived experiences of heterosexual cisgender persons change a lot from their adolescence to being an elderly. These changes are multifaceted:

• one can just decide to change their identity labels (for example due to living in a more accepting community, or due to legal or cultural changes),
• also, a person can experience sexual and romantic feelings (attractions) that are new to them,
• or the possibility of new sexual and romantic behaviours open up to them.

Thus, sexual and gender identity, sexual attraction and behaviour can change in one’s life, and these changes can go together (for example a new attraction might prompt a lesbian-identifying person to rather use the identity label ‘bisexual’). These changes can be hard to navigate for everyone. LGBTQI+ persons can feel a lot of shame around these changes, which comes from the social pressure of “proving” their identites, “proving” they are “properly” gay, a trans “enough”, etc.

This shame can be even more robust if the changes are pointing towards the heterosexist norm: ‘heterosexual panic’ is as real for a person identifying as gay, as ‘homosexual panic’ is for some heterosexual persons. Changes can also mean an existential crisis for the LGBTQI+ client: for a lot of clients the argument that they were “born this way” has brought some peace and safety, and a change in their orientation or gender identity can throw a person into turmoil, one can “regress” to previous levels of internalised phobias. Changes are also risky because they can cause changes in one’s chosen family.