Boundaries (Reading)
Hotline/chat communication implies intimacy (the person is communicating from their comfort zone or personal space) and immediacy (the communication is fast, immediate). A close rapport seems to be created; the conversation goes very quickly “to the point” in most cases. The feeling of presence is physical, and the rhythm of the conversation validates the connection between the operator and the seeker of support. There is this common space where the person can find support every day. The person who is seeking help needs to know that they are talking to a real person. They will often ask that, and it is understandable in this vulnerable situation. The style of communication of the hotline operator will be the means to make the person feel that they are communicating with a real person. When we talk about hotline counselling, the tone of voice, the verbal language will be making it easy to identify that it is a real person, maybe identify the gender of the operator, maybe their age. The client will project their expectations towards the operator and will try to get some sense of who they are. It is of utmost importance for the operator to keep their personal boundary intact as best as they can.
Another reason why operators should be keeping their boundary is in order to prevent burnout. If they are emotionally involved and taking things too personally after every single chat or conversation, they will not be able to keep their ability to feel mentally safe in order to help. We should not forget that operators may encounter aggressive, rude clients, or suicidal people, deeply depressed people, whom they should redirect to the psychologists/ therapists in their network of support. Having this safe distance will make it possible for the operators to ventilate all the different nuances of emotions in a much healthier way.
Example: Pushing boundaries
| Hey, would you like to tell me what it is that you wish to talk about today? | Operator | |
| Client | Well, I dunno, I just want to communicate with someone who is more “open”. I was just curious to visit your chat. | |
| Oh, I see. Are there “closed” people around you? | Operator | |
| Client | Well, yeah, to some extent I feel like in real life I am surrounded by people who won’t understand my sexuality. They are morons. I don’t have anyone to talk to freely. | |
| I have the feeling by what you are saying that you don’t feel comfortable discussing things which are important to you? | Operator | |
| Client | Yes, I don’t feel authentic and real. I am always wearing a mask. It is easier! | |
| Would you like to tell more more about who is behind the mask? What is it that people can’t see in you? | Operator | |
| Client | Yes, sure. Before that though, I would like to know more about the person I am communicating with. | |
| It is a policy of our online chat not to disclose personal details. What would be important for you to know about me? | Operator | |
| Client | Well, are you a professional? Do you have the knowledge and competence to help? | |
| All operators have gone through the same training, covering all the necessary topics related to online counselling. You can read some stories about our operators in our blog. | Operator | |
| Client | What about you personally – do you have experience with some issues that LGBTQI+ people have? | |
| This is something of a concern I hear a lot. I do feel your worry that only a person who has gone through these issues can go deep into the experience. However, I choose to keep my sexuality to myself. I can assure you that I can be of help to you. Would you be ok to continue the conversation without you knowing something about me? | Operator | |
| Client | Yes, no worries. |
