How to become an LGBTQI+-aware counsellor (Reading)

It is pretty clear that the role of a school counsellor gives a unique opportunity and position to help young LGBTQI+ students when facing everyday challenges by promoting and supporting the development of positive self-identities for all students.

There are two main directions of how a counsellor can offer support for LGBTQI+ students:

1. Individual work with LGBTQI+ students (in person or group work)
2. Working on the school climate

But before starting to work on the issues  above, there are some important prerequisites that should be fulfilled.

Explore and know your own limitations 

The first prerequisite for the counsellor is to know his/her own personal biases. In order to avoid the potential negative impact of one’s own values, beliefs and biases (for example cultural influences, family upbringing, religion etc.) in the counselling process, it is very important for counsellors to honestly explore, question and evaluate themselves. Although mental health counsellors are, in most cases, more aware of these issues, bias against LGBTQI+ persons is very dispersed in our society and we often internalise and project stereotypes and prejudice without even realising it. Even if the counsellors think of themselves as and really are accepting and open minded, it is possible that there are some negative attitudes hidden in the unconscious mind. That is why it is so important to first explore yourself.

In some cases, counsellors’ personal value and belief system (for example personal religious beliefs) will not be affirming towards LGBTQI+ persons. Keeping in mind the best interest of the student, if a counsellor recognizes that his/her own personal beliefs are affecting the counselling process in a non-supportive manner, the counsellor has to refer the student to another counsellor, according to the ethical principles of counselling.

Learn the terminology and use it appropriately

Talking to the client is “the main tool” in counselling and every counsellor should be aware of the importance of words that are used. It is important to learn and understand the LGBTQI+-specific terminology and to use it accurately and respectfully. Also, counsellors should keep in mind that  language and terminology is also changing and evolving. The terms that were commonly used before (for example – the term “homosexual”) now carry negative connotations and should not be used. Language can be more challenging when working with trans students (or students that are questioning their gender identity). A counsellor (as well as other persons) should always respect the name and pronouns that a student uses.

Besides knowing what the “L” or “T” and “Q” letters mean, a counsellor should understand the effect  that “LGBTQI+” affiliation might have on identity formation. For most students, an important phase of the coming out process is identifying and accepting themselves as an LGBTQI+ person. This process is often related to the desire to meet other LGBTQI+ persons.  When we are confused and insecure regarding our identity, it can be helpful to find a niche “where we belong”, and for some students it might be important to feel a part of a community. In those cases it will be  important to support a student as “genderqueer” or “a lesbian”. However in other cases the “T” or “L” will not matter and it will be important to avoid the “categorisation” trap and keep in mind that every student is an individual being. Some people deeply refuse to put themselves in any of the categories and that also should be respected. Keep in mind that an identity development process is a complex and individual journey for every student, and it should be respected and supported accordingly.

Educate yourself

Counsellors often lack the necessary knowledge and tools for working with LGBTQI+ persons. Formal higher educational curricula offer little or no knowledge on the LGBTQI+ topics so counsellors feel unprepared for working with that population.

In order to be able to work with LGBTQI+ clients efficiently, it is important for counsellors to educate themselves. There are various options for professional development in the area, including specific education and training, online resources, e-learning platforms and cooperation with local LGBTQI+ organisations.

Individual work with LGBTQI+ students (Reading)

A counsellor can work with LGBTQI+ students on individual sessions, or in group settings. In both cases please keep in mind the following:

• for LGBTQI+ students, opening up to anyone poses a great risk, so it is very important to create a safe space where LGBTQI+ students feel welcome and can be open about their problems

• It is an imperative to respect confidentiality.

• listen to the student, have a supportive role, without judgement. In one study in which the supportive role of counsellors was examined,

• remember that you are maybe the first person that a student is talking to about sexual orientation/gender identity. Respect the trust you were given.
• remember that gender identity is different from sexual orientation
• help to empower the student, help the student to accept him/her/themselves. Validate the person’s sexual orientation and gender identity or expression.
• Be careful with language. Use neutral language. (for example “Are you seeing anyone?” instead of “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Respect the pronoun and name that the person uses.
• avoid unintentional microaggressions. ADD REFERENCE TO Please see Module XY  for more information on microaggressions. ADD REFRENCE to module 2 – also a part on microagressions
• be prepared to give a referral. If there are questions that you can not answer, be prepared to refer them to a more informed counsellor, hot lines, LGBTQI+ organisations etc.
• be aware of potential intersecting identities (religious, ethnic, disabilities etc) – see more information in ADD REFRENCE to module 4

One of the important topics that might arise in the counselling process is the question of coming out (please read Module 4 on information regarding the coming out process). Counsellors could help students to explore the risks and benefits of coming out as well as reasons for and against doing it. If a student decides to do it, it would be useful to make a plan.

Berzon (1988, at cited in  Molnar, 2018) developed a set of questions that a counsellor can use to support the client in that process:

• Who? Who does the client want to come out to and what is their relationship like? Also, the therapist should explore together with his client the possible reactions after coming out and how that might influence the relationship.
• What? The therapist should help his client prepare what to say when they come out.
• Why? Before coming out, the client should be aware of their motivation and also, they should be prepared to answer different questions regarding being LGBTQI+ that the person to whom they intend to come out might ask.
• Where? The therapist should help the client decide where they want to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• When? The client should be supported by the therapist to choose the right moment to disclose, both for themselves and for the person to whom they come out.

If a student needs help regarding who to tell about their sexual orientation / gender identity, the counsellor can facilitate the process of decision-making by discussing the following topics:

• choosing the person that a student feels is most supportive
• considering the possible reactions of the person
• identifying potential problems
• identifying benefits of coming out to that person

Barret and Logan (2002, as cited in Molnar, 2018) offer some suggestions regarding coming out to parents for gays and lesbians, which include:

• feeling comfortable with being gay or lesbian and being clear about one’s sexual identity before considering coming out;
• coming out in an adequate moment for the person to whom the disclosure is taking place. This means avoiding coming out in moments of major stress experienced by the parents, such as health problems, divorce or strong conflicts within the family relationships, work related problems and avoiding to come out during a conflict with the parents;
• being prepared to face a wide range of emotions that coming out might bring out in the person to whom the disclosure is being made. Many parents might feel embarrassed, shocked or angry at first, but in time, they can become more supportive and acceptant as they challenge and overcome their own prejudice and stereotypes.
• keeping an open and non-violent communication with parents after coming out and giving them time to adjust and understand the situation. It will probably take time, as it is a process for them too.
• encouraging parents to meet other gay and lesbian people and to get more information about what it means to have a gay or lesbian identity.

It is also good to keep in mind the following:

• do not assume that everyone in school are heterosexual and cisgender (including teachers and other school staff) or that every student that experienced homophobic, biphobic or transphobic bullying is LGBTQI+ (some students might be bullied because other students perceive them as beeing LGBTQI+, but they are not).
• do not try to change student’s sexual orientation or gender identity. If a student is confused and not sure about thei sexual orientation, a counsellor should help the student to discover it in a gentle and supporting way (and not by “pushing” them in any direction, especially not in a cis and heteronormative direction)
• do not disclose a student’s sexual orientation, gender identity or any other information that the student has shared with you to anyone (parents, colleagues, other school staff…)

Improving the climate at the school (Reading)

There are many things that can be done to make schools more inclusive and safer for LGBTQI+ students. There are many different recommendations that have been tested in various schools and showed good results. Some of the recommendations are:

• implementation and enforcement of anti-homo/bi/transphobic bullying and harassment policies.
• addressing existing school policies to include more inclusive and non-discriminatory language
• implementing a plan for reducing homophobic language at school (education, raising awareness, reaction when it occurs)
• advocating for LGBTQI+ topics to really be included in the curriculum
• using non-gender specific language
• organising various activities (education, workshops, commemorating important dates like IDAHOT for example, exhibitions etc.) where LGBTQI+ topics are discussed in a positive light
• helping students to organize a GSA group (gay straight alliance)
• creating support services for students, teachers, parents, and administrators including resource materials
• providing staff development/education on LGBTQI+ topics for faculty and administration

Remember that this is a slow and continuous process and that you do not have to do everything alone. It is advisable to find other allies in your work environment and establish cooperation with civil society organizations that are active in this field.